Going home for the holidays can be anxiety-inducing. Airports are packed, roads are full of traffic and being with family can be drama.
Dan Harris, host of the mindfulness and meditation podcast 10% Happier, is here to help. He shares five quick, science-backed techniques to help you stay cool in the moment, no matter the situation.
5 holiday stress scenarios — and how to cope
1. You're hitting major traffic on the road to your in-laws' house. Now you might miss Thanksgiving dinner!
The fix: Wear a half smile. Ever so slightly raise the upper corners of your lips. This will automatically reduce all that tension between your eyebrows and relax your face muscles, communicating to your brain that everything's OK, says clinical psychologist Jenny Taitz, author of Stress Resets.
Taitz recommends wearing a half smile when you're in a strenuous or anxious setting. "If you're sitting in a lot of traffic, clenching your hands on the steering wheel and tensing your face, that's not going to help you accept what is happening," says Taitz. "But if you can soften your face, you're more likely to make peace" with your situation.
2. You're dreading flying home for the holidays. Air travel makes you so anxious.
The fix: Talk yourself through it. Harris says he has a history of panicking on airplanes because he has "debilitating claustrophobia." To cope, he rewires his inner dialogue by talking to himself as if he was his own good friend. He says, "You're good. There is no danger here. You've been through this before."
Research has shown that people who have the capacity to be self-compassionate "are more effective at reaching their goals and are happier and healthier," he says.
To supercharge this "saner inner dialogue," put your hand on your heart, says Harris. Supportive touch can activate the part of your nervous system that makes you calm down and feel safe.
3. Someone stole your parking spot at the mall on Black Friday. Grr!
The fix: Try straw breathing. "Take a deep breath in. Then exhale for two or three times longer than you inhaled, with gently pursed lips as if you're blowing through a straw," says Harris. You can even use an actual straw if you'd like. (Here's a helpful demonstration from Michigan State University.)
When we get stressed, our breathing gets short and shallow. And that lack of oxygen makes our muscles tense up and restricts blood flow. Breathing exercises like this one can get more air into your body, lower your heart rate and blood pressure and help you relax.
If you often get frustrated on the road, keep a few straws in the car to bust out whenever you need to do this exercise.
4. You're stuck in the back seat of the minivan with your family, and now they're fighting over politics. You wish you could just disappear.
The fix: Escape into your own little bubble. Now this doesn't mean disassociating, says Harris, "which is a kind of trauma response [some people] develop as children when things are too much to take." This is about using mindfulness and meditation as a healthy way to get in touch with your bodily sensations in difficult situations.
To practice mindfulness, pick things in the present moment to focus on without judgment. Pay attention to your breath, what's out the window, your thoughts, your feelings about what is happening. The goal is to use your attention to "achieve a mental state of calm concentration and positive emotions," according to the American Psychological Association.
5. Your mom "voluntold" you to host the Christmas Eve gathering. As if you didn't have enough to do!
The fix: Sing it out. Harris says he learned this trick from Taitz. This might feel a little awkward, but "take whatever inner thought track is stressing you out and sing those worries aloud."
"One of the most powerful ways to reduce stress and anxiety is to not take your thoughts so seriously," he says. Especially if they're negative, repetitive and not yoked to reality.
"So if we can learn to have a different relationship to our thoughts, that's a huge win." Singing them aloud is just one of many techniques to do that. (You can also try saying your thoughts in a silly voice, like Donald Duck, according to the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science.)
No matter how overwhelming your holidays get, try to think of these techniques as "an opportunity for you to practice skills that will help you for the rest of your life," says Harris.
The digital story was written by Malaka Gharib. It was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual producer is Beck Harlan.
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